Disclaimer: Don’t Blame Us If You Try This At Home (we’re not even sure why we did it…)

Due to some unforeseen medical complications with Genevieve’s “condition,” we were not able to proceed with the second half of our frozen jeans experiment. HUGE apologies! It will definitely be done in the New Year.

 Not wanting to leave you completely disappointed over the Christmas break however, in my state of hormone withdrawal insanity I came up with a brilliant idea! Ok, so the idea is also a little insane and Matt tried his best to talk me out of it.

Frankly my best was no match for a bottle of wine and an utter lack of alternatives. I can only blame myself for what hijinks ensued.

If you live where the temperature drops below 0°C/32°F and at some point you were also a kid, you have probably dared or been dared to stick your tongue to a frozen pole. Or more recently and perhaps under the influence of some Christmas spirit you and your friends decided to re-enact this scene from “A Christmas Story.”

Removing your tongue by force not only hurts but can tear both skin and muscle. You could also try breathing out warm air or letting saliva run down your tongue to melt it, but both of these can take some time and may also lead to tissue damage (such as frost bite).

To help you out, we sacrificed my tongue and dignity and ventured to a local playground to try some alternative solutions. I’m happy to report that no one phoned the police.

What’s happening:

The relatively large amount of water quickly provides the heat energy to melt your frozen saliva. Fire from a lighter certainly provides heat, but can’t deliver it to the tongue/pole interface where it is needed without unwanted side-effects (ie second degree burns). Wine both provided mechanical heat and alcohol to reduce the freezing point of the mixture on your tongue. Gin, although containing a higher alcohol content, was slower to free the tongue because it was below 0°C/32°F. Our simulated urine…

Note: “Simulated Urine” was actually APPLE JUICE heated to around body temperature, 37°C/98°F. Let’s be VERY clear about this.

… our simulated urine provided more heat than either water or wine and was found to be the fastest acting. However, I think everyone would agree that water or wine, while slower, are the preferred agents.

Have a safe and happy holiday from your pals Matt and Genevieve!

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